“Wisdom is the principal thing, in all thy getting get understanding” so says the scripture. However, the ability to recognize the difference between wisdom and understanding is a profound process.
Coming to The University of Ibadan to study law was a dream come true. It brought me joy, pride and even favour with people (at least the name the “Barrister” unlocked some doors).
However, studying law I knew deep within me was only a means to an end and not an end in itself. I knew being a lawyer was more than the wig and gown but I was absolutely clueless as to why I was studying law.
I had always known myself to be an embodiment of talents and a multi-tasking lady. I could excel in nearly all I set my heart but I also hated my inability to pay attention to details. I had fallen in love with reading from my early days in the secondary school. I loved art and style. I started a public speaking and teaching career in my first year in the University. The competitive zeal in me made me discover that I wasn’t a bad writer, after all not everyone could win a writing competition, and off to journalism I went.
I could also organize people and event without much struggle and one thing I must not forget to add is that I love politics in words and actions. Thus, my source of income though in trickles were limitless as I could turn nearly everything to cash and trust me, I wasn’t even doing badly in my academics but one thing was missing- Direction. I was a jack of all trades yet, master of none.
This hollow started getting deeper when time seemed inadequate for me to do all I set my heart to do. It became more obvious when I would want to do everything but would end up doing nothing. I began to look like a girl who was pursuing the wind while some saw me as one who just wanted to be noticed. Unfortunately, people’s opinion mattered to me because of my past experience.
It was in my final days in Secondary School. I never really liked cooking but it’s an unavoidable obligation and this, I was faithfully doing when the gas suddenly exploded and the beauty of my two legs were claimed. Since that time I had always had a low esteem of my physical outlook. I was deeply scarred and I always thought that the first thing people saw about me were my burnt legs. This made me avoid making new friends in the university and made me bury myself deeply in activities. I grew up with heavy doses of love on all sides and didn’t really feel like I had anything to do with people especially “new people.” People who attempted to get close saw the cold girl who acted like her heart had once been broken.
Back to the search for direction, I had little friends but I have always mingled with the elderly. They gladly would have loved to become friends but I really did not let them. But one thing I did notice that was common in my elderly folks was a deep sense of commitment to Christ. Yes, commitment!
I was saved but that didn’t really amount to much to me. I had no option but to be saved, in fact, no other alternative. I knew a lot about the unending benefits of salvation than to risk not being saved. However, I wasn’t making personal efforts to grow and stay rooted in the salvation I profess. I was so busy with my personal life that life itself was my personal god.
Don’t miss it here. I went to church. I went through discipleship lessons. I knew how to pray since I also had needs and loved miracles. I could even discuss the Bible without missing the Characters as well as the text. These were however not products of a personal study but from programs I had been programmed to partake from. I discovered that salvation might be free, grace might be at no expense but Christianity is profound and growth therein is costly. Christianity requires diligence not because I want to please God alone much more because I want to experience Him. Thus, in 2013 I started a sincere personal walk with the Lord that has changed both my orientation about life as well as my disposition to it.
I started a diligent study of the Book which led me to the study of books. It is very funny how knowledge can transform one and I can’t but agree more that the definition of a man is simply in the knowledge he has. Studying made me ask questions for which I sought answers and discovered more. I still have questions unanswered which means I have more knowledge to gain and a greater height to attain.
Gradually I started gaining an inner confidence in myself. I understood that life had more to it than looks and even the look itself was an expression of life. I realized gradually that all things may be permissible but not all things are beneficial thus; the fact that I could do some things does not mean I must do them. I realized that God has a big picture of who I am and who I am going to be in the hollow of his hand and once I fit into the hollow of His hands, I am going to fit into His plans for me.
Of course, I gradually had to let go of some habits and friends for new ones. I asked questions and studied more on the legal profession to discover opportunities where I could fit in and add value to both myself and the profession. And I learnt to focus more. I have realized that no matter how hard I try, I cannot do all things excellently well.
So, I have decided to stick to the communications aspect of law which involves legal drafting, lecturing and public speaking. Actually, my decision is based on the discoveries I have made so far about who I am and why I am here. These aspects seem to encompass almost all I have always dreamt of. I am not there yet but as long as long as there is still breath in me, my steps are ordered in that direction.
Kemi is a graduate of Law from the University of Ibadan. She is a writer, public speaker and fashion designer. She is single and loves to read and meet people. Contact her at email@example.com